to everything there is a season
by anxiouspineapples
Summary: A collection of drabbles featuring Lily and James Potter.
1. No Such Thing

**DISCLAIMER. I own nothing.**

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**AN. This is intended to be a collection of drabbles featuring Lily Potter, James Potter, and sometimes both. Rather than posting them individually, I'll just be putting them up as separate chapters. Some are newly written are some will be reworkings of older stories from my other ffn account and/or my tumblr. So if you see something you recognize, I may have posted it somewhere else already.**

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_No Such Thing_

Fate. Destiny. Karma. Lily hadn't believed in any of those ideas for a long time. She used to, used to smile like she had a secret at every coincidence, every seemingly clandestine event. But there was no such thing as a greater plan, no woven tapestry pattern, no path laid out at her feet. Those thoughts were comforts, that was all, constructed to ease the mind in times of trouble. _Bad things happen for a reason, do good and good will come to you _– that wasn't the world Lily lived in anymore.

What she held onto was love. Lily couldn't deny the existence of love – nor did she want to – but she wondered about the meant-to-be, made-for-each-other sort. James certainly meant the world to her but she didn't figure them to have something utterly unique or unusually special. The day they got married was the happiest of her life so far, but she also didn't figure her life to have been leading up to that moment. Love didn't happen to you, you chose love.

Lily placed a lot of value in choice.

She didn't believe it anything other than unfortunate circumstance that she and her peers had let the safety of Hogwarts in the face of an ever-darkening war. She didn't think it anything other than tragedy that she had seen friends die and struggle and get pulled away to the wrong side beyond anyone's reach. In fact Lily loathed the idea that those sorts of things were _meant_ to happen. It made her feel weak and inconsequential.

If there was going to be a fight – and there were indeed many – then she would walk into it with her own two feet beneath her and her head held high. It was important to Lily that she had the power to make a difference and so she did her best to forsake the whole idea of fate as mere fantasy. She told herself that there was no such thing.

And then Harry was born.

Harry was born wrapped up in prophecy and destiny and all the grander purpose Lily couldn't afford to count on. The life she and James had chosen was no longer just about them – it wasn't really about them at all anymore – and now Lily's choices held even more weight because Harry could not yet make them for himself. She would not shirk that responsibility to the winds of chance.

But despite her skepticism some buried part of her couldn't help hoping that Harry wasn't _the one with the power to vanquish the dark lord_ (even though she didn't believe in that sort of thing). She found herself holding her baby boy and contemplating a future that might already be laid out in front of him (even though she didn't believe in that sort of thing). And Lily found herself wishing, in her darker and more desperate moments, that Neville Longbottom was a boy with a destiny but Harry was not (even though she didn't believe in that sort of thing).

When she and James decided to go into hiding the weight of destiny hung heavy over their newly isolated existence. Sometimes Lily would wake in the middle of the night and lie in the dark with tears in her eyes thinking that maybe this was all happening for a reason. Maybe Harry was meant for a future other than the one she and James lovingly envisioned for him. If there was a plan for her son then maybe there really wasn't anything they could do to change that. Maybe she and James faced the obstacles of this war for Harry to have brighter days, but maybe there were darker days to come. Lily would lie awake with tears in her eyes and huddle closer to James and fight the feeling of being lost in a current too strong to swim against.

In the light of day all those thoughts seemed to her just a twisted sort of fate and Lily knew (in the light of day) that there was no such thing.

And then Halloween came.

Halloween night came and Voldemort with it and if any part of Lily still believed in fate it died along with her husband, struck down just as swiftly, strings cut and yanked in an instant.

And if Lily didn't know that her son would grow up to defeat the darkest wizard of all time, or that she and James would be famous for dying in their home that night or that an act of love - the one intangible truth she held onto - would save countless lives it only made her choice to stand between her son and a deadly wand that much more powerful. And in that moment, facing certain death, Lily felt neither inconsequential nor weak because Voldemort had told her to stand aside and she refused. And it wasn't fate or destiny or karma because there was no such thing.


	2. In December I Was Blue

**AN. Another Lily-centric piece. Originally published on my other account, moving it over here.**

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_In December I was Blue_

It was still early in December for a Christmas party, but Lily supposed everyone was especially keen for something to celebrate these days. Perhaps that was also the reason that every inch of the Longbottoms' modest flat was covered with tinsel and holly and pine branches. The scents of freshly cut wood and sweet sap seemed to waft at Lily relentlessly from every direction and it was all she could do not to vomit all over the festive decorations.

She has been especially sensitive to such things lately, just another confirmation of the truth she was desperately trying to avoid.

James had wandered off a few minutes ago to mingle in the crowded living room and Lily remained where she had retreated, stationed firmly against the kitchen counter, the sink just a few steps away should she be in sudden need of a drain. The door from the kitchen was propped open and so Lily was not entirely cut off from the holiday celebrations. She could hear the Prewitt twins laughing raucously over something and Frank's warbling voice singing along with the carols playing on the wireless. It almost made her smile.

Lily pulled at the sleeves of her sweater and sighed, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. One minute she was too hot and the next too cold. At the moment she felt feverish and ill and wished she were back at Godric's Hollow, nestled in the warmth of her sofa and James and away from the noise and clamor of the party.

It required tremendous effort lately just to keep herself sane. A party should have done her some good, a nice break from the stress and heartbreak that so dominated each passing day. But Lily felt pulled in too many directions and the hope that she had so often clung to, that she was so proud of, was harder to grasp at now that she needed it most. James remained her best source of comfort, but even that lifeline was straining now that she was keeping secrets from him.

Or rather, one very important secret.

The sound of someone calling for quiet – Frank's voice again – brought Lily back to the present of the tiny kitchen and she glanced through the open door into the next room where the other guests lingered. James's unruly hair was visible above the heads of those around him. Voices died away as the attention turned to the couple by the fireplace, Frank's much taller form seeming to wrap around Alice's diminutive one. They were both pink-cheeked and smiling broadly.

Lily edged closer to the living room without quite entering, leaning her weight against the door frame and smiling tiredly at the gathering of familiar faces. She watched them all as if through a haze, present but separate, seeing but not hearing.

A chorus of laughter reached her ears and Lily realized that Alice was speaking, that she had just said something amusing. Only a few words truly broke through Lily's fog and only then because they were so close to the thoughts already swirling around in her head.

"We're having a baby!"

The cat calls and congratulatory remarks were all lost on Lily as a buzzing seemed to fill her ears. She could only see Frank and Alice across the room, both grinning and hugging, and then the overwhelming scent of pine reached her again and Lily backed hurriedly into the kitchen. She stumbled directly for the sink and leaned over, gasping and dizzy, but before anything came up the room steadied and all she felt was the erratic beating of her heart.

Rubbing at her clammy forehead Lily wrenched open the little door that led from the kitchen to the tiny balcony and stepped outside. Instantly the frigid December air overrode all her other senses and Lily felt a little less frantic. She was still shaking, but more from the cold than anything else.

Her cheeks started to sting and Lily realized that she was crying. She wiped the tears away in frustration and wished she could pull herself together for just two seconds. Secrets had never treated her well, and never had she kept one of this magnitude. For a moment she put herself and James in the place of Frank and Alice, surrounded by friends, laughing, sharing the happy news with those closest to them, but she found no comfort in the image, only a mix of anxiety and guilt. Telling James had proven more difficult than she had imagined and she had already failed to have that conversation three times.

As she finally started to pull herself together she heard the door behind her open and she spun to see Sirius slip outside. He looked grim and gaunt, not so unusual these days, but he brightened a little at the sight of her.

"Evans," he greeted with a nod. Lily rolled her eyes halfheartedly but felt warmer at the ease of something familiar. Sirius was the only one who called her 'Evans' anymore and for once it didn't bother her.

He pulled a cigarette and Muggle lighter out of his jacket pocket and raised his eyebrows questioningly at her. Lily nodded that she didn't mind and he lit up with the practiced ease of one who was well acquainted with the subtle art of smoking. The orange glow and the wispy smoke were a sharp contrast to the dark blues and blacks of the winter night around them. Lily watched the swirling patterns without really seeing them.

Sirius leaned casually over the railing and Lily mimicked his pose. The street several stories below them was quiet but the sounds of the city still reached them from nearby.

"Did you hear the happy announcement?" Sirius asked and Lily almost missed the sarcasm but she chose to ignore it.

"I did," she said evenly, not meeting his eyes. "It's nice for them, don't you think?"

"It's irresponsible," Sirius retorted darkly and Lily felt as though her ribs were trying to clench up around her. She said nothing but stared into the surrounding darkness.

"Don't you think so?" Sirius prodded, unsatisfied by her silence. "Having a baby in the middle of a bloody war. And acting as though it's something to _celebrate_." He scoffed audibly and shook his head, his dark hair falling into his eyes.

Still Lily said nothing. She was numbing to the cold and could not feel her lips at all. She tried to focus on the cigarette smoke sweeping up above them and not on Sirius's words as they cut into her.

Laughter echoed from inside the flat and it sounded strange in Lily's ears. She was sure she could hear James's voice and longed once again to leave the party and return home. She wanted to get away from Sirius's cynicism and the Longbottoms' ecstatic faces and the horrible contrast of holiday celebration mingled with the ever-heavy cloud of the war hanging over all of them. It did nothing but fuel her reticence and her guilt.

She rested a hand on her stomach and sought the strength not to fall into total despair.

What Lily finally said was, "We can't let the war stop us from living our lives," a sentiment she had often shared aloud in the last few months. With each utterance she found less truth in it but kept such things to herself. It felt wrong to give in to such thoughts, even if everyone else around her seemed to do so. Sirius was as receptive as ever to the notion and rolled his eyes before taking another drag of his cigarette.

He breathed out the foggy smoke before speaking. "There's a difference between living our lives and bringing new lives into this mess."

The hand on her stomach pressed a little tighter. It was a little late for that.

But there was something... stirring in Sirius's complete dismissal of the idea. Something inside Lily, something… defensive, something protective, and something a little foreign to her rose up in her throat and she felt the sudden urge to hit him. She felt steadier on her feet than she had in ages.

As she continued to look at Sirius's shadowed expression of disdain Lily felt something warm igniting inside of her and only instinct told her to keep the beginnings of this alive. It was, Lily thought, a mixture of courage, rebellion, and the gnawing restlessness of keeping secrets that made her blurt out, for the first time aloud, "I'm pregnant."

It was the first time in her life that she had seen Sirius truly and utterly speechless. He froze briefly before slowly turning to face her and Lily turned as well, her chin rising up every so slightly. In the tiny balcony they stood facing each other as if each were sizing the other up for a fight and Lily had never backed down from a fight in her life.

She did not expect Sirius of all people to backtrack and try to pretend as though he had not just been condemning the very notion of having children, and she was not disappointed. He looked as stubborn as ever, almost cold, and Lily felt... relief.

Finally, after keeping the secret for what seemed now an eternity she was no longer the only one who knew about the fact that she was going to have a baby. That she and James were going to have a baby. That they would be parents. The fact that Sirius was neither celebratory nor frantic calmed Lily's considerable nerves more than anything else. She felt, as she had not in quite some time, that she had something to fight for, something to defend, and it was a powerful feeling.

"It wasn't... planned," she admitted, her words calm and measured. "I haven't told James yet. I haven't told anyone. You may think it's irresponsible, and I may even agree with you, but I will not let you stand there and tell me that this child has no place in this world."

Sirius, as always, did not hold back to spare feelings. "Children have no place in this _war_."

"We were children when we started to fight this war," Lily retorted back angrily, reveling in the spark lighting in her.

"And look what it's done to us," Sirius snapped. He dropped the rest of his cigarette on the ground and stamped it out before shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. "Is this what you want for your child, Lily? The life that we have?"

"Of course not. I want something _better_."

"Better could be a lifetime away, if it even comes at all."

"If that's what you think then what are you even fighting for?" Lily retorted loudly, her hands clenching into fists.

Sirius opened his mouth, closed it again, and then ran a hand through his hair. He glared and Lily and she glared back, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Are you happy about this," Sirius demanded quietly. "You wanted this to happen?"

"I told you, we didn't _plan_ it. It wasn't - "

"But are you _happy_ about it?"

Lily truly did not know how to answer that question. She had been asking herself the same thing over and over again and still, even in this moment of strength and affirmation, she didn't know.

"What if something happens to you?" Sirius said earnestly, his face twisted as though the very thought caused him physical pain. His eyes stared relentlessly into hers. "Or to James?" Lily clenched her jaw. "What happens to your baby then?"

"It'll be looked after," Lily said automatically, placing a protective hand on her abdomen again.

"By _who_?"

"I don't know," Lily snapped, throwing her other hand into the air. "You'll be there. Or would you rather just leave it considering how much you _disapprove_." She spat the last word angrily as if he had grievously injured her.

Sirius looked as though she had slapped him and had the balcony permitted it she would have stepped away from him. As it was the space was far too small for such a thing.

Her cheeks were flushed and Lily took a few deep breaths to calm herself.

"You'll be there," she repeated, confidently now rather than the accusatory tone she had just adopted. "Sirius, if something does happen to us, you'll be there. Won't you?"

Sirius no longer looked wounded but his countenance was no more reassuring than it had been. "If something happens to you and James," he said quietly, "they'll be nothing left of me._That's_ what I'm fighting for."

"And this baby is a part of us," Lily replied, her brow furrowed in fierce determination. For the first time she felt the distinct notes of motherly concern in her voice. It was not unwelcome. "You fight for us, you fight for it too."

Silence fell again between them and again the sounds of the festivities drifted out. Sirius nodded reluctantly and Lily smiled in return. The truce between them was uneasy but not unwanted.

Still, Lily was not eager to return to the party, nor was she any more in the mood to celebrate than she had been before. But she did not feel as ill and uneasy as she had before coming outside. Indeed, this was the best she had felt in weeks. For the first time she had defended the existence of the life inside her rather than question it and regret it. It made her feel strong.

Lily silently vowed in that moment that she would protect her child until her dying breath.

The two of them now stood side by side, backs leaning against the rail of the balcony. It felt wonderful not to be keeping this secret to herself anymore, even if Sirius had been less than receptive to the news. She still felt anxious and conflicted, but not quite so unprepared. And the thought of having James at her side through it all only bolstered the beginnings of her confidence. She hoped he would take the news better than Sirius had, once she ever worked up the nerve to tell him.

"It's going to get worse before it gets better," Sirius said quietly. "This may only be the beginning."

"All the more reason to have something to hope for," Lily responded, her hands resting lightly on her stomach. "What good is fighting with nothing to protect."


	3. The Best One Yet

_James starts seven years at Hogwarts, each promising to be better than the last._

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_September First, 1971_

Despite what he told _anyone_ who would listen, eleven-year-old James Potter had his doubts about making it into Gryffindor.

And these doubts made him a little sick to his stomach because, if he couldn't be in Gryffindor, the house his family had belonged to for generations, he didn't really want to be at Hogwarts at all. It did not occur to James even once that any of the other houses may have suited him better or that he may enjoy himself more as a Hufflepuff, or even a Slytherin. He was a boy bound for Gryffindor or nowhere at all and no one could convince him otherwise.

As the sorting began and 'Adams, Penelope!" went nervously to the front, James glanced around at the other first years, surreptitiously trying to gauge their varying states of nervousness. He was standing next to a boy with wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes who was looking at the sorting hat with a suspicious expression, as if doubting that the raggedy accessory in front of them was capable of sorting students.

James only doubted whether it was capable of sorting students _properly_.

On his other side, a boy with longer, shiny black hair was standing very still, his shoulders hunched forward a little and a grim expression on his face. He was very pale with a long nose and looked every bit as nervous as James felt inside. James wondered if there was a particular house this boy was hoping for.

Penelope Adams went to Ravenclaw after quite a bit of consideration from the hat and Professor McGonagall, a tall, stern looking woman, called out the next name.

"Alexander, Anthony!"

_We're only on A_, James thought miserably, cursing the letter P for being so far down the alphabet.

To pass the time until his own sorting, James tried to fill his mind with Gryffindor-like thoughts, to make himself feel as brave and courageous as possible. He thought about the time that he had rescued their family cat, Biscuit, from a rowdy group of garden gnomes. They had almost come away with two of his fingers.

This was the most heroic thing James could remember doing and he was still proud. He was also absolutely determined not to go to any other house. _But determination is more of a Hufflepuff trait_, he thought worriedly. What was it the hat had said exactly?

_Or maybe steadfast Hufflepuff,_

_A loyal friend belongs,_

_Determined and hardworking,_

_You'll be sure to get along._

James shifted from foot to foot, gazing anxiously at the hat.

Was there some sort of _trick _to it? Maybe if James simply _asked _the hat to put him in Gryffindor it would sort him there straight off. Maybe if the hat saw that he _wanted _it enough. Maybe there was a brave way to ask the hat… but that wasn't right. _That's not how it works at all_, James thought bitterly. The hat didn't put you somewhere just because you asked it to, no matter how brave or smart or ambitious you sounded.

James's thoughts were interrupted by "Evans, Lily!" bumping his shoulder on her way up to the stool to be sorted. He grunted lightly at the sudden collision and glared at the back of the girl's head for a second before turning his thoughts back to his own sorting and not giving the girl a second glance.

When Professor McGonagall finally _did_ call his name and when the hat placed him in Gryffindor, James joined his table with the biggest feeling of relief he had ever experienced. He grinned widely at Sirius Black, who was seated across from him, and knew that this was going to be a wonderful year.

* * *

_September First, 1972_

James sighed happily as the train began to pull away from Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. He waved at his parents through the open window and then leaned back into his seat when the station was out of view. The summer had gone by quickly, filled mostly with travel and flying out in the back paddock. It was hard to believe he was already going back for his second year at Hogwarts.

Seated next to him, Peter was engrossed in a muggle mystery novel. James didn't find them very interesting, but Peter devoured them, one after the other. He was quite good at figuring them out, unlike James, who was unaccustomed to looking at things from a muggle point of view and hence not very good at solving the puzzle.

Across from Peter was Remus, looking a little worse for wear and napping in his seat. Despite having been on holiday for a few months, Remus looked pale, as always, with circles under his eyes.

Sirius was pale too, but it suited him. His complexion and features were becoming very aristocratic, even for a boy of twelve. His expression was sullen as he glared out the window. James knew he must have been thinking of the less than loving and very public goodbye he's shared with the Blacks at the station.

James knew that Sirius did not get along with his family but the two of them never spoke much about it; they mostly talked about more lighthearted things and joked around. They were, after all, twelve-year-old boys.

As the train continued its steady journey away from London, Sirius became exponentially more cheerful. He started a game of Exploding Snap with James and Peter joined in soon after. By the time the food cart was coming around, Remus had woken up with a bit more color in his face and James went out into the corridor to buy some food for all of them.

He filled his arms with a number of sweets and snacks, making sure to grab Chocolate Frogs for Peter and a Sugar Quill for Remus, and a large supply of Pumpkin Pasties for himself. Sirius was never one for sweets but James knew he would eat some of anything he brought. He had paid the trolley lady and was turning around when he bumped into someone standing behind him. His collection of snacks went tumbling to the ground and he rounded on the guilty party angrily.

"Watch where you're going!" he said loudly. The girl in front of him flushed brightly, her cheeks as red as her hair. Her name was Lily and she was in Gryffindor with James and, for some reason he could not fathom, she had never liked him much.

"You bumped into _me_," she protested, her cheeks still flaming. "I'm sorry you dropped your things but there's no reason to shout."

James rolled his eyes and bent down to begin gathering the scattered sweets. Lily shuffled awkwardly around him in the narrow corridor and proceeded to purchase a Cauldron Cake from the trolley. Then she stalked off down the corridor without another word. James huffed quietly that she didn't help him pick up any of the things she'd made him spill.

His anger was short lived however and by the time he and his friends were eating through a large pile of pasties and candy he had forgotten all about rude Lily Evans from the trolley. His thoughts were filled with visions of Hogwarts and the feast that awaited them. He smiled happily and knew that this year was going to be even better than the last.

* * *

_September First, 1973_

"You did get your mother to sign your form, didn't you, Sirius?" Peter asked quietly during the sorting, a note of worry in his voice. James watched Sirius for his response.

"Oh, she signed it," Sirius said in a bored voice. "A member of the Black family restricted from a Hogwarts privilege? Not a chance."

He didn't sound very excited to be able to visit Hogsmeade, but James knew that Sirius was always gloomier at the start of term after spending the holiday with his family and didn't think much of it.

He on the other hand was brimming with quiet expectation and couldn't _wait_ to explore the village. He had been looking forward to going ever since the form had come with his Hogwarts letter over the summer. As they sat at the Gryffindor table and waited for the first years to be sorted, James fiddled with his silverware and wondered what sorts of joke shops they had in Hogsmeade. He'd heard about a good sweet shop as well, and the Three Broomsticks supposedly had a very pretty landlady.

"What are you looking forward to, Remus?" he asked in a whisper to his friend who was seated on his right.

"The Shrieking Shack is supposed to be pretty cool," Remus deadpanned. "Becoming the most haunted building in Britain."

James exchanged quick looks with Sirius and Peter. They had discovered the fact that Remus was a werewolf the year before and had confronted him about hiding it. What they hadn't told him was that ever since finding out they had devised a plan of becoming animagi so as to spend full moons out roaming the grounds with him.

"I'm looking forward to trying butterbeer," Peter put in and James nodded in agreement. He was about to speak up when they were suddenly shushed by a girl a few seats away, a fourth year named Lindsay Robertson. James noticed immediately that she was very pretty. She had wavy blond hair and brown eyes. He just smiled at her and she blushed slightly and looked away at the sorting.

James heard a huff and turned to see Lily Evans rolling her eyes at him. He grinned cheekily at her and she grimaced at him before turning away to watch the sorting as well. James made a face at her back and watched as she clapped for "Taylor, Edgar," a new Ravenclaw.

She was always doing that, rolling her eyes at him or just looking generally disapproving. James frowned angrily at the back of Lily Evan's head for the remainder of the sorting and was pleasantly interrupted when a feast appeared on the table. He spent the rest of the evening talking with Sirius and Remus and Peter about visiting the village.

With all the talk of Hogsmeade James couldn't help but think this year was going to be the best one yet.

* * *

_September First, 1974_

_Dear James,_

_I know we didn't get a chance to spend very much time together last year, but I had a lot of fun when we did. I was hoping that maybe you'd like to sit with me on the train on the first? I'm sure you'll want to see your friends as well but it's a long ride and I'm really looking forward to seeing you._

_Lindsay_

James read the letter through for what felt like the hundredth time since it had arrived yesterday. Lindsay Robertson wanted to sit with him on the train. He grinned, folded the letter, and tossed it in his trunk along with his toothbrush and wand before closing it up. He dragged the heavy trunk to the top of the stairs where he left it and bounded down to the kitchen for a quick breakfast.

He gave a cheerful good morning to his mother and kissed her on the cheek before taking a seat at the table. His father had already left for work and it would just be his mother taking him to the station, but James was in much to good a mood to care about that. He'd said goodbye to his father yesterday. And Lindsay wanted to sit with him on the train.

The station was especially crowded when they arrived at about twenty minutes to eleven. Plenty of time for James to get on the train but not enough for his mother to linger before she went off to work. She gave him a swift hug, pecked him on the cheek, told him to behave himself this term and then gave him one more hug. It was a quick goodbye, but it left James plenty of time to find Lindsay before his friends would arrive.

Platform Nine and Three-Quarters was bustling with families when James passed through the barrier. He pushed his trolley slowly through the crowd, heading towards the back of the train where it was more likely he would find an empty compartment or one occupied by Sirius, whose family was always punctual and who boarded the train as quickly as possible. Remus and his parents were always late and Peter's mother kept him off the train as long as possible with long good-byes.

About halfway down the platform James caught sight of Lindsay Robertson, who smiled at him with pink cheeks. James walked over to her, thankful she was alone.

"Good summer?" he asked jovially.

"Oh, yes," Lindsay said brightly. "I went to Spain with my parents and sister. You?"

"Summer was good. Didn't travel this year though, my parents have been pretty busy at work lately."

Lindsay nodded and James saw her glance at the train.

"Do you want some help with your trunk?" he asked when he noticed it beside her. She nodded. "Yes, please."

James smiled at her and the two of them loaded both her trunk and his own onto the train.

"I did promise my friends I would sit with them for a while," he said when they'd finished. Lindsay looked away awkwardly. "But I would like to sit with you too," he added quickly and she brightened immediately.

"Should we find a compartment then?" Lindsay offered.

"After you," James gestured towards the train and Lindsay laughed before boarding the train.

Suddenly having the feeling as though he was being watched, James chanced a glance behind him. He caught sight of Lily Evans looking at him from where she stood with what appeared to be her family. She flushed when she saw him looking and turned away hurriedly. James felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Coming?" Lindsay asked.

James nodded and boarded the train, following Lindsay down the narrow aisle and watching how her blond hair swayed when she walked.

"Excited about this year," Lindsay asked him over her shoulder.

James let out a little laugh. "I can't wait. I think it'll be the best one yet."

* * *

_September First, 1975_

"Stop looking so glum, Remus. It's not the end of the world to have been made a prefect," Sirius scoffed. He was lounging on his four-poster, his robes still on but his shoes kicked off the side of the bed. James was in a similar position on his own bed, his arms resting behind his head.

The welcoming feast had been excellent as usual and James let out a sigh of contentment at his full stomach. Remus, on the other hand, was looking less than content. He was hunched over on the side of his bed, staring at the floor as if deep in thought.

"I just don't understand why Dumbledore made _me_ a prefect," he said quietly, almost to himself. "Did you see the first years? They didn't listen to me at all when I tried to lead them to the tower."

"Yeah, they followed Evans like lovesick puppies though," Sirius put in. "It's not your fault they were distracted by your fellow prefect."

James nodded in agreement. The first years really couldn't be blamed for following Evans like that, with her long red hair swinging behind her and the way her hips swayed back and forth…

James shook himself and turned his attention back to the matter at hand. Remus was not looking any more reassured or convinced.

"You're the logical choice, Remus," Peter said, taking off his socks and tossing them onto the floor. "Your grades are near the top of the class and the younger students like you. And hey, maybe Dumbledore thought you'd keep the rest of us in line from causing too much trouble."

James saw Sirius grin at this last comment but Remus looked even more put out.

"Dumbledore's gone mad, that's what happened," he said miserably, "if he thinks I can keep you lot in line on my own."

"You won't have to do it on your own," Sirius reminded him with an air of indifference. "Don't forget your fellow prefects. I'm sure Evans would be happy to put us all in detention."

James pictured the way Evans's cheeks flushed when she yelled and her nice, round lips…

"Remus, what's done is done," Sirius said firmly when Remus started to look uneasy again. "If nothing else, sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning."

With that, Sirius rolled off his bed, stripped off his robes and began changing into his pajamas. Peter already had his on and was extinguishing the lamp on his nightstand. James was still thinking of Lily Evans and didn't move from his reclined position on his own four-poster until Sirius threw his shirt at him.

James blinked and looked around to see his three roommates in bed, looking at him expectantly.

"Lights out, James," Sirius said, rolling his eyes and then grinned. "Long day tomorrow."

James nodded, quickly changed out of his robes and extinguished the last light in the dorm. He fell asleep almost instantly, dreamt of Lily Evans wearing nothing but her prefect's badge, and woke up thinking that this was starting off as the best year yet.

* * *

_September First, 1976_

James tapped his foot impatiently as he waited on the platform and leaned on the handle of his trolley. His mother was giving Sirius a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek as she bid him farewell. Sirius had been staying with them since the beginning of July and James sometimes joked that his parents liked their new son better. But this was the happiest James had ever seen his friend come the first of September. Usually he was morose, bidding his own family farewell for the sake of appearances.

The Blacks were still here, of course. Sirius's younger brother was off to his third year at Hogwarts. _The good little Slytherin_ Sirius had started to call him, but he said it without fervor and didn't let anyone else use slurs against his brother. They had ignored Sirius when they passed the Blacks on the platform and Sirius hadn't even glanced in their direction.

James sighed in impatience as his mother smoothed out Sirius's shirt. His father was gazing around at the rest of the platform with a nostalgic, but content look on his face. James was just waiting for the "back when I went to Hogwarts…" speech and hoped that maybe _this _year they wouldn't be subjected to another of his father's fond reminiscences.

As James waited on his friend he gazed idly at the other students still milling around the platform or waving good-byes from various compartment windows. A group of sixth year Ravenclaws passed in James's vision, caught his eye and grinned and giggled. He shot them one of his trademark smirks and a pretty brunette girl in the bunch winked at him, her cheeks a little flushed. James made a note to find their compartment on the train later.

"And you'll be good, dear, won't you, Sirius?" James's mother was asking when James turned back to his family.

Sirius smiled innocently, something that didn't work on any of the Hogwarts professors anymore but was still quite effective on James's mother. "I'll be good, Mrs. Potter," he said.

"You too, James," she said more sternly, turning to face her son. "I don't want too many owls from Professor McGonagall this year."

James smiled and nodded, noting his mother's choice of words. _I don't want too many…_. She knew him so well.

"You know, when I was going to Hogwarts, the Deputy Headmaster was a man named Edgar—"

"Edgar Elkridge," James cut him off with a roll of his eyes. "Yeah, Dad, we know."

"Oh. Well, he didn't let you step a _toe_ out of line and—"

He was cut off by the loud wail of the whistle on the train signaling that there were five minutes left to board.

"Dear, the boys have to go," James's mother cut in. "You can tell them about Professor Elkridge another time." With that, she ushered the boys toward the train. James said another quick goodbye to his parents and started to push his trolley towards the nearest door.

Approaching the door, James turned, expecting to see Sirius beside him but he wasn't there. He turned to see Sirius giving his mother one more hug before shaking his father's hand. James paused and watched as the most genuine smile he had ever seen on Sirius blossomed across his face. He said something quietly that James couldn't hear but his parent's faces lit up and James's dad clapped Sirius on the shoulder.

After a moment, James noticed that other families on the platform were watching the exchange as well. He ran a hand through his hair uncomfortably and waited for Sirius to come over. As he waited, he saw Lily Evans a little ways away from where James's family was standing. She was watching Sirius and James's parents with a curious expression on her face. For a moment, she caught James's eye and stared at him as if trying to read something very far away.

James ran his hand through his hair again and she frowned before looking away slowly.

A moment later, Sirius hurried over, pushing his trolley out in front of him.

"Come on," Sirius said cheerfully. "We need to get our trunks loaded or we'll miss the best year yet."

"Yeah," James said quietly, looking away from where Lily Evans had been a moment ago. "The best one yet."

* * *

_September First, 1977_

James had expected to find the common room empty.

After the feast all the students generally went straight to their dorms for a good sleep before classes began. But James had tossed and turned in bed for ages and eventually gave it up.

_Head Boy, _he kept thinking. All evening it had seemed that the shiny badge on his chest was too bright, too heavy, and every time he'd caught a glimpse of it an uneasy knot formed in his chest. He only now understood Remus's discomfort when he'd been made a prefect. He was no role model, in detention every other week, skiving off classes….

His mind was full of these thoughts when he'd gotten into bed earlier and they had fought off sleep for a good two hours now. James hadn't been able to help glancing over at the badge now perched on the table beside his bed. So he left his four-poster and headed for the common room, expecting it to be empty and quiet but in fact found one other occupant.

When James reached the bottom of the stairs he instantly caught sight of Lily Evan's red hair over the edge of the couch. There was a fire lit in the grate and it reflected like gold in every strand of her hair. James stood at the bottom of the stairs for a moment, watching the flickering light fill the otherwise dark common room.

After a moment's deliberation, James made his way over to the couch and sat down, leaving room for at least two other people between himself and Lily. He didn't look at her, but looked at the fire instead. He could feel her gaze on him.

When she didn't say anything James coughed quietly and said, "I can go back upstairs if you wanted to be alone." But right after the words had left his mouth he wished he could take them back. The last thing he wanted to do was leave and go back upstairs.

"No, you can stay," she said quietly and James chanced a glance at her. She was still staring at him, her features soft in the dim light.

They sat in silence for another moment or so before James spoke up again. "Congratulations on making Head Girl. You're going to do a really good job."

Lily didn't say anything for a moment and James felt stupid for opening his mouth. Again, he thought about returning upstairs, but Lily's warm presence at the other end of the sofa and the thought of the Head Boy badge on his nightstand kept him where he was.

"I can't say I wasn't surprised when I heard you were chosen for Head Boy," she said, her voice still quiet. James was waiting for a "congratulations" in return, but it didn't come.

"It was a stupid choice," he said, shaking his head and glanced at her from the side. She didn't say anything and James actually felt disappointed that she didn't disagree with him. He ran a hand through his hair and held back a sigh, feeling even worse than when he'd come downstairs.

Finally though, Lily spoke up again. "Oh, I don't know."

James turned to her, daring to be hopeful.

He saw her glance at him and she shifted her weight on the couch. "You've come a long way. Over the years, I mean," she clarified awkwardly. "I think you're going to be a wonderful Head Boy."

James felt his heart suddenly swell in his chest at her compliment but tried not to let it show. He watched her as she continued to stare straight ahead and thought, not for the first time, that she was perhaps the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"You're beautiful, you know," he said without thinking and then felt his face become as hot as the sun. Lily turned to him, a small smile on her face.

"Why, James Potter, are you blushing?" she asked, her smile growing. James said nothing, not trusting what would come out of his mouth.

Slowly, Lily moved closer to him on the sofa, closing the gap between them, looking up into his eyes. He could not have looked away even he he'd wanted to.

"You certainly have come a long way," she said again. James swallowed but didn't say anything.

Lily spoke again. "I've been sitting here, thinking about the coming year… and somehow I think it's going to be the best one yet."

And then, before James could do or say anything, Lily Evans was kissing him. James reacted instinctively, his hands cupping her face before one of them found it's way to her hair. Lily, in turn, put her arms around his neck, her fingers on his neck.

It was the most wonderful thing James had ever experienced. Lily's lips were soft and warm and her hair was silky and smooth and she was so _close_ to him…

And then, when James's brain began to catch up with the rest of him, Lily pulled away. Her hands lingered a moment on his shoulders before she stood up, leaving James very dazed on the sofa.

"Goodnight, James," she said quietly, smiling.

"Goodnight, Lily," he replied, thanking his vocal chords for working properly. He remained on the couch for a few more minutes after Lily had gone upstairs, wondering if any of that had been real. He felt the back of his neck where Lily's fingers had rested and assured himself that it had in fact happened.

James smiled. He couldn't help but agree.

This was going to be the best year yet.


End file.
